Thanksgiving is perhaps the best holiday of the year, as you get to stuff your face with some of the tastiest food. Not to mention the best part: the sandwich you make of the leftovers the next day. However, not everyone has the best of luck on Turkey Day…
When this woman decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner, she wanted to make the outside nice and crispy. However, she fell asleep while cooking, and made it, let’s say, a little too crispy.
Follow The Recipe
When his wife got sick on the night before Thanksgiving, this handy husband decided to step up to the plate and cook. He was always the type who would say he can cook, but in reality his recipe book did not expand much past spaghetti and store-bought tomato sauce. It is no surprise, then, what happened with the mashed potatoes. He probably should have read the instructions a little more carefully before mixing water with so much powdered mashed potatoes.
The person who made this homemade cranberry sauce clearly went to culinary school and graduated with top honors. Perhaps, though, the person is a performance artist who molded cranberry sauce into this cylindrical shape to protest the commercialization of Thanksgiving. Or perhaps to protest the food industry in general. However, it is most likely that the person is simply interested in making Thanksgiving dinner with zero-effort. Whatever the reason, we would prefer to have Thanksgiving dinner at someone else’s house.
Never let Uncle Jerry cook the Thanksgiving barbeque. He always misinterprets “well done” to a dangerous degree. Even though the rest of the family tells him to hold back on the lighter fluid, he never listens. This specific year, the cap fell off the lighter fluid, and caused a massive fire. Everyone ran screaming from the grill when they saw the fireball. Luckily, nobody was hurt. When they finally got to eating dinner, everyone was thankful and happy just to be alive.
The bakery that made this cake clearly was confused about what Thanksgiving is all about. First of all, it is unclear if the cake is meant to say something like “Happy Thanksgiving!” instead of “Thanks And Giving!” Either way, even if the text is correct, the imagery does not scream Thanksgiving. It looks like a snowman who is weirdly happy to be burned and melting. Also, there is no hint that this chocolate chip cookie has any pumpkin taste to it.
This crudité turkey is amazingly well done, with the colorful and nutritious tail meticulously organized. The detail on the face is amazing, even including the red “snood” on the turkey’s face. It is almost lifelike. However, the key word here is “almost.” When we see this wonderful display, all that comes to mind is, “Where’s the beef?” Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without real Turkey and gravy. We are not even asking for a tur-duck-en (a turkey stuffed with duck and chicken), just the basic traditional bird.
I Saw The (Misspelled) Sign
This store decided to let their customers know that they will be going out of town using a sign. We hope that this store is not in any business that requires phenomenal English skills. If this storefront does turn out to be a law firm, they will probably lose customers on account of the silly addition of an apostrophe in the middle of the word Thanksgiving. English teachers and bookworms alike will probably not return to this store after the holiday.
It’s A Bit Stuffing In Here
One of the strangest things about America is that people want their houses to smell not of peppermint, or of lavender, but of cooking Turkey. People who work at fast food restaurants spend hours after their shifts getting the greasy smell of french fries off their clothes and skin. It is strange then, that people would elect to have their house smell like food. To each their own. Just don’t bring this candle on a camping trip, as it would probably attract hungry bears.
Tastes Of Sadness
We don’t imagine that the picture was on the packaging of this Thanksgiving meal matches with the unfortunate reality. In this sad Thanksgiving “meal,” a jelly-like gravy covers a dark mystery meat. The protein is served with peas that have somehow fused together into a monstrosity that, if you squint at it, almost looks like a tropical fruit. Even prisoners probably feel bad for whoever has to eat this as their holiday meal. The only thing to be thankful for is when it’s finally all gone.
It must have been Amelia Bedelia who put gave this turkey a beer and the remote control. The recipe instructions apparently said to, “let the bird chill in the sink for a few hours.” Although the chef did their best, and truly did make the bird relax, complete with the legs stretched out, and wings leaning on the sink, it is doubtful that the turkey was done in time for the meal. Some people just take everything a bit too literally.
One of the best parts of Thanksgiving when you are a kid is getting out of school on Thursday for the long weekend of food, football, and hanging with cousins. The students of Ottumwa High School were greeted by this message reminding them of the time off. Whoever wrote this sign, though, should probably forgo the break and stay in the classroom. We hope it was not one of the students who made the mistake. Or even worse, we hope it wasn’t one of the teachers.
Stick A Fork In It
Pumpkin pie is one of the best parts of Thanksgiving. It’s an autumnal delicacy that we wait for year-round. The unique taste of pumpkin combined with the bite of nutmeg and cloves, all brought together by a generous helping of sugar and butter makes it a highlight of the meal. This person was not careful enough when it came to putting the uncooked pies into the oven. One small slip brought the whole thing to an oozing spill. Luckily there is a backup- but first, an annoying cleanup.
Everyone is trying to get in on the Thanksgiving spirit, including the Asian grocery store. While we are not sure if this was just an error with translation or if this was an attempt to trick very gullible people, there is certainly something fishy going on here. Either way, it might be interesting to buy the seafood and try adding something new to the Thanksgiving meal repertoire. After all, the original Thanksgiving was a meeting or two different cultures, and this would continue that tradition.
Red, White, And Black And Blue
Perhaps this turkey was a prizefighter in the cockfighting business before it was caught. How do we know? The bird has more black and blue bruises than we can count. A clever host would say that the bruises actually tenderize the meat, making it softer to eat. Either way, we would prefer to skip the turkey this year and eat the eggs and bacon mix that beckon from behind the wounded turkey. Hopefully, next year they buy a healthy, pacifist bird.
S’more Time In The Oven
One of the tastiest innovations in Thanksgiving food has been the addition of toasted marshmallows to the top of yams. Whoever made this version of the casserole dish did not know when to stop adding ingredients. Can we even call it a “dish”? It looks like there are just potatoes touching the burner with no plate. Maybe the “dish” was served buffet style, and guests came to the burner and scraped the side of the oven for loose potatoes onto their plates.
Whoever made this hat probably thought that they would be the next big thing on Etsy, and would soon be rolling in that sweet, sweet macramé money. Looking at the ornate headdress, it looks like the artist expected the wearer of this monstrosity to put their head in the turkey where stuffing normally goes. Although the model in this picture does not seem to mind, the squawking beak and two unequally-sized eyes make it look like the turkey wants to fly away.
Roll It Up
Pumpkin roll combines the unique taste of pumpkin with the smooth goodness of a cream cheese filling. There are many methods to roll up the dough to make the perfect ying-yang-like swirl of velvety smooth white with the delicious orange of the pumpkin. One method uses a towel to roll the raw dough. Another uses parchment paper coated in powdered sugar to roll. It is amazing that the person who made the pumpkin roll below clearly chose none of the myriad rolling techniques.
Traditional Indian Food
The chef of this turkey seems like he might have made the same mistake that Christopher Columbus made by confusing Indians with the Native Americans. He decided to put a traditional Indian chicken curry in as the stuffing for this Thanksgiving turkey. While laudable for innovation, he failed to consider that “stuffing” does not actually mean that the turkey has to be stuffed to the point of overflowing. Perhaps he is on to something; gravy tastes good with everything, so why not dip some naan or roti in it?
These chocolate-pretzel-candy corn-M&M turkeys are a really cute idea. The big, cartoonish eyes of the adorable turkeys almost make you want to spare them being eaten. Almost. Of course, many people want to serve this mixture of sweet and salty at their homes, but clearly, it’s not for everyone. The turkeys on the right look like they were cooked like actual turkeys, at 425 Fahrenheit. With their caramel guts oozing out onto the plate, they don’t look so cute anymore.
A Glassy Affair
It is important to remember that special glassware is needed when you bake at high temperatures. Although it is not as hard to clean as melted plastic in the oven, the shards of glass provide a huge hazard if they are accidentally ingested. Pyrex glassware can be helpful, as it does not expand as much when heated, compared to regular glass, and therefore should be shatter-proof. It is so resistant to heat that it is used in scientific labs around the world.
This costume pairing at first seems like it might be cute, but if you think about it, it is quite morbid. The unsure, even fearful look on the face of the kid says it all. The pilgrim woman is weirdly serene for role-playing a character who is about to eat her little brother. The darkness of this costume pairing is not the worst it could be, though, considering the vicious history between the Native Americans and colonists in the early days of the New World.
The one thing that has been missing from life that was so desperately needed is ice cream that looks like meat. Thankfully, some genius who must have studied with the master chefs in France came up with this dish: an ice cream turkey with waffle cone drumsticks and a caramel gravy. It is complete with a garnish cut from the astroturf of a golf course, and toque blanche frills made of A4 laser printing paper. What an extraordinary culinary masterpiece!
The person cutting this turkey is hoping the bird is the same as burnt toasted bread- you can just cut off the parts that are black, and then it is as good as new! The only problem is, the entire thing is burnt to a crisp, like a cartoon turkey who blew up holding a stick of dynamite. As he frantically cut the turkey, looking for some not-so-dark meat for his guests to gobble, he hoped that next year, he could be a guest and not the chef.
What Happened Here?
This attempt at a chocolate turkey was so poorly done, it is unclear what is being displayed. Although the candy corn somewhat maintains the autumnal theme of the evening, the turkey aspect is lost. The ill-fated dessert looks like a Ferrero Rocher chocolate ball that died of thirst while trekking through the desert. Its tongue sticks out, beckoning the viewer to feed it water. The M&M eyes without pupils speak to the lifeless nature of the ball. When there’s pumpkin pie, why waste calories on this?
Meta World Piece Of Turkey
This turkey looks like it was made by an arcane performance artist who is simply insufferable in all things. It is surprising that a person like this would even hold a holiday that is so traditionalist. We can see this artists eye roll now when people say they want a regular turkey. Instead, this person made a sort of hodgepodge of all the classic tastes of the holiday and molded it into the shape of a bird. Honestly, though, despite the pretension, it looks delicious.
One Rotten Apple
What started as a cute twist on the American tradition of eating apple pie ended in disaster. This almost gory picture shows the guts and juices of these mini-apple pies, made in actual apples, spilled all over the pan, crushed and shrunken. Surely they still might be delicious, but they are useless for social media purposes, and these days that is all that counts. Regular apple pie is great, so next time we think there is no need to mess with perfection.
Dollar Store Turkey
The food on this package looks awful. On the box, it says “99 cents,” but it is unclear if it is stamped onto the box or if it is just a true-to-life picture of the poor quality meat. They folks at this company brag, though, that it is “mostly white meat.” What is the rest of it then? Probably pieces of old tires. The box also has a contest for “stainless tableware,” as if the eaters of this meal ever use plates.
Thanksgiving Us A Headache
This proud person decided to idiotically express their thanks that the holiday fell on a Thursday this year. The commenter cuts the poster down by pointing out the disgrace they are to their alma mater. However, this might not have been such a stupid comment in the past, as before it was decided to be on the fourth Thursday of November, Thanksgiving’s date varied from state to state. President Lincoln declared in 1863 that the date should be uniform for all states.
Where’s The Mint?
These gum balls are a complete waste of time, as there is no way the artificial turkey flavors in the chewy candy taste anywhere near as good as real turkey. Also, the gum balls work to make your breath worse! Really, these gum balls seem like reject candies from the Harry Potter world; perhaps they were in fact made by Bertie Bott when he made his Every Flavour Beans. You would be better of with just a fresh mint gum after the heavy Thanksgiving meal.
Who is the target audience for this canned turkey? It seems like it might be health freaks, as the can lets you know that the white (and dark) turkey is 97% fat-free. Wow, put down those carrot sticks, fitness gurus, and check out these vacuum-sealed turkey chunks. Also, did we forget to mention that it is in water- not oil! So you can feel free to have this along with your kale salad, acai berry smoothie, and wild mushroom quinoa salad.